We’re living in the reality of the conclusion of our Haiti chapter. Every day now it seems like it’s the last time we see this friend, or go there, or do that, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings.
Some things I really don’t mind seeing or experiencing for the last time! Like the other day when our neighbour burned several months of trash on the street outside of our house, and no matter how many windows I tried to crank shut, billowing clouds of noxious smoke poured through every nook and cranny, making it almost impossible to breathe. Then when I headed outside with Alexander on my hip to talk to him again, he had already disappeared out of sight. I remember thinking to myself that this may be the last time I have to deal with it, so not to worry about it.
Or the other night, when at 10:00 p.m. Jason and I decided to have a late night snack only to see tiny baby cockroaches crawling all over the exterior of our refrigerator trying to get in. As I grabbed the swatter and vainly tried to smack them off, Jason commented “Those all will grow up to be big ones you know?” I remember turning to him and saying; “Well at least I won’t be here to see them!” and for a moment, I was glad.
So there are times when I’m excited to be leaving! Especially when I itch all over due to countless mosquito bites, knowing that any one of them could cause some mysterious tropical disease, or when I see in the mirror that none of my clothes fit anymore thanks to a drawn out battle with a parasite. But other times I’m sad.
I’m sad when I think of the friends we leave behind, the finality of goodbye, that this is the end of an incredible season of our lives where we learned so many valuable life lessons, and the fact that everything about our lives will change and nothing will ever be the same. I’m sad and just a little afraid of what the future holds. Change is hard for me.
God know this about me though, and has comforted me with the words in Psalm 90:1-2 LORD, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God. Though everything about my life may change, He never will, and He will continue to be my dwelling place regardless of my country of residency.